You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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