It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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