Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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