Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
