Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Holy sore nipples Batman
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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