Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
