I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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