Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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