I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
