The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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