I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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