yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
