I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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