I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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