I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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