This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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