i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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