We're facebook friends in real life
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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