remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
