omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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