Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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