Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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