bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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