you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize