I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
