if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
