i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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