i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize