Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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