Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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