Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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