You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
