no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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