If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
