I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
