there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize