hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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