I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my liver is dry heaving
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
