I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
