i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
