Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
