I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
