The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
