I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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