That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
