I murdered the dance floor call the cops
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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