as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
