she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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