I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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