Your face is a jimmy john
I wish I could punch you in the face.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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