You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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