I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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