Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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