if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
