I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
