What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Randomize
