I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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