That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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