Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've blown a few things in my day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
wow bdsm is so cute
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
