Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
why is half of my head shaved?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
