when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
