i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
