I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
