True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Someone came in the potted fern
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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