I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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