You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My vagina is officially offended.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
