I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just crazy horny about you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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