one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My ass is underappreciated
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize