I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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