Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
