What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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