Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
