I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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