I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
