my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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