I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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