just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
