Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
