I'm gonna have a badass scar
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
