I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
