Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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